In My Aloneness

(c) to the owner

In my aloneness, I often reminisce our past, the relationship I didn't expect to suddenly last. Seems just yesterday. I hate it when I'm not too tired or too sleepy to go to bed because those are the times that I can still think about you, about us. Thinking of you caused me so much pain, so much regret for pushing you away, and so many what ifs. 

Yeah, maybe I'm so stupid for pushing you away and now waiting for you. Waiting, without me knowing it, waiting for the time that you will tell me that I'm still the one, that you want to give it for another try. 

Hoping for another chance.

Its painful going on each day, knowing that your not going to be mine anymore and yet your still the one for me. 

It's not that I don't wanna forget about you, it just that if I will forget you, I want it to be my heart's decision, if not, I can love you forever. 

Its not that I did not try, but everytime I'm trying, that's the time to see whom I lost, and Its MyLife that I lost, I lost you. 

Maybe, while writing this, you already engaged and worst planning for your upcoming wedding. I don't know what to feel, but I know I have nothing to do with that, Its all my fault... Somehow, I know, you did your part, and in other way, I know I also did mine in getting you back, maybe it just too late.

I still want to believe in magic, like what I've always saying, meeting you was magical. Tho I don't wanna live in false hope, however, I can't give up to what's my hearts' desire, and its you that I'm still longing for. 

Many times I wanted to ask you to come back with me, to give it another try, and I want to promise that, this time I wont give up on us , but I'm scared. I'm worried to scare you, I felt like everytime I'm getting near, seems your stepping backward and I don't want you to be far away from me. I still want to wake up very morning knowing that your not just in my dreams anymore but in my arms forever more. I still want to wake up in the morning and look at your face and kiss it. 

-sigh- Its been two years and I'm still longing for you. Missing your messages, missing your voice, missing when your mad at me because I drove you nuts. Just missing you, everything about you. Yeah, maybe you already forget about me, but no single second that I forget you. 

I love you...still.

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